Body Modifications, Los Angeles Style
In the City of Angels, Even the Wings Might Not Be Real
This article originally appeared in Lonely Planet Los Angeles 3 (2001)
Some say beauty is only skin deep, and many Angelenos can tell you, from personal experience, that this is indeed true. From collagen-injected lips to tattooed toes, Los Angeles is America’s body shop, ready and willing to provide whatever modifications you need to fit into the mold of your choice.
For a relatively subtle (and usually reversible) form of rebellion, try a piercing at one of LA’s many studios. While a nose ring might be enough to shock your grandmother, there are plenty of other options available, including eyebrows, nipples and, of course, genitalia. Piercing studios abound, but sensitive types might want to try the caring needle-wielders at Funny Farm (tel 323-913-7043; 4651 Melbourne Ave in Los Feliz Village).
If you just can’t hit the beach all pasty white, forget those boring tanning creams and head to one of the city’s fine tattoo parlors, featuring the best in tinted flesh. Celebrities like Dave Navarro get their ink at The Purple Panther (tel 323-882-8165; 7560 W Sunset Blvd), while other renowned shops include Body Electric Tattoo (tel 323-954-0408; 7274 Melrose Ave) and Art & Soul Tattoo (tel 310-202-7203; 2604 S Robertson Blvd). Bert Grimms Tattooing (tel 562-432-9304; 22 Chestnut Place, Long Beach) was LA County’s first tattoo parlor – purportedly Bonnie Parker was once a client.
Of course, if you spot some local color you really like, just ask the proud owner about the artist; they’ll tell you more than you want to know. Or just stop into any of the hundreds off less-famous studios around town and ask to look through their photo albums. Be sure to observe several artists’ work, as well as the shop’s overall cleanliness and professionalism. Even if you are on a budget, this is one area where you won’t want to skimp.
Too late? No problem – just check the Yellow Pages for a laser surgeon near you, and for a little more money (and a lot more pain), they’ll clean up even the most unfortunate “permanent” mistake.
Once you’re on the beach, ruining your new tattoo with plenty of sun and surf, you may start to suspect that all those perfect bronzed bods baking in the California sunshine are just too good to be true. And you’d be right! Los Angeles may be the only place on Earth where women routinely write off their breast enhancement surgeries on their taxes as “business expenses.” Or did you think that model-actresses were born that way?
Check the local free weeklies or long onto www.plastic-surgery.net for the fabulous array of improvements available on Mother Nature. Body sculpting isn’t just for the famous in this town, though being rich certainly helps. Yes, cosmetic surgeons are just waiting to perform liposuction, facial construction, buttock lifts and, yes, “vaginal rejuvenation” right now, and transform you into the next Miss America – or, more likely, the next Ms. May.
Men, of course, are not immune to the desire for perfection. LA’s plastic surgeons offer a gamut of services designed to keep you looking like a decathlon athlete even if you never leave the tanning salon. Hair implants are only the beginning: Add a tummy tuck, biceps enhancements and pectoral implants to attract the mate of your dreams. And for the gift that keeps on giving, finish it all off with penile augmentation surgery, to “gain length and thickness.” It’s just the thing to go with your Prince Albert piercing.
It’s no use wondering whether public health in Los Angeles would improve if more of the city’s doctors were dedicated to healing the sick rather than beautifying the healthy, just as there’s little point in musing that LA’s art scene would rise to international acclaim if more if its artists painted on canvass rather than skin. Such weighty concerns inspire little pause for thought here in Tinsel Town, which is as is should be. For this is a place where the body is not just a temple – it’s an investment. Enjoy the scenery!